Katrina got married!

 

From last few days, I have been getting quite a few calls from family and friends letting me know that Katrina Kaif is getting married. I started wondering why everyone is calling me. I was not her only fan. I might get a few more calls after this blog but who cares.

Let me get the facts straight that once upon a time, I was indeed quite a big fan of her. After-all, watching Namastey London more than 100 times is not a small feat when I might not have watched any other movie even 10 times in my entire life. Akshay Kumar rightly said in the movie - 'Tumhe pehli baar dekhte hi mujhe tumse pyaar ho gaya tha!' My laptop used to have a large collection of her wallpapers. My friends in college even got ice-cream treats on her birthday. Those times were crazy. I was a little obsessed over her.

I still remember the premiere of Race in Select City Walk, Delhi where we got to see her live. Seeing her walk at just 2 feet distance was like a dream. She was just mesmerizing in that silvery white dress. I did not go to theatre that often but I would always go for her movies. Ali Zafar described her pretty well in Mere Brother ki Dulhan - 'Ye hoti hai asli ladki. Chutki me Bipasha, chutki me Madhubala!' And yes, I did mention her in couple of my poems/blogs.

But things change with time. My fandom declined and only 2 Puneites are aware of that as they didn't tease me this time. By the way, let me share a pun fact. Katrina is 2 years older than me and Vicky Kaushal is 2 years younger. So, I will always be between them! Jokes apart, as she rightly said in Namastey London - 'Ishq di mere mitra pehchaan ki. Mit jaaye jadon jid apnan di' 

 

 

 

 

A flight to forget!

 

Sometimes, you have soooooo simple expectations from life but then Murphy's law takes over and ruins all your plans.

The day started quite well. It was Vivek's birthday, so I already had a smile. I was travelling from Pune. At the security check, the person read the caption on my t-shirt and asked me 'is your name Rakesh?' I replied yes with a smile and he said - 'Cool caption' and even gave me a fist-bump with a trail. I was delighted and had an ear to ear smile on my face.

Unfortunately, I didn't know that this would be the only good thing happening that day. I don't want to name blame any airline, so let's call it chilliJet. At first, the flight got delayed from 11am by 1 hour. When I boarded the plane, I got the shock of my life. Never had I ever expected such a scene ever in my life. It looked like I had entered some old delapidated bus. The seats were so old and worn out that I didn't even dare take photo fearing I may ruin it further by exposing it to my mobile's flash light.

After the plane took off from Pune, the pilot realised mid way that the fuel was low. I think Maruti should start designing planes too - 'inka to petrol hi khatam ho jata hai'. Now instead of landing at Nagpur or Bhopal which would be on route, the pilot decided to go back to Mumbai to refuel. I am quite sure his girlfriend was waiting for him in Mumbai that we went in opposite direction. It was so hot and even the AC was not working.

It was already 2pm, when I should have already landed at my destination, but I was stuck in Mumbai with hundreds of angry and hungry passengers. I have faced flight delays before too but this was pathetic #chilliJetSucks. Forget food, they didn't even distribute water till we had reached halfway after flying from Mumbai. It was only after almost half the people threatened to take over the plane that they distributed fruit juice just before landing. And at 5pm, when I should have reached my home, I was still a 100km away contemplating whether to take train or cab and all my plans to surprise everyone at home was already ruined.

At last, I just have 1 simple advice for all the airlines - 'Please please don't keep such people as pilots who have been used to fill their bikes with petrol worth Rs.100 only for their whole life.' 

 

Chaos in my flat

It was a fine sunday morning in July. I had stayed up late watching a korean series whole night. The sun was about to rise and I thought to sleep before there was light in the room. I watered my window plants and went back to bed. I normally don't take much time to sleep when I lie down, but it had been 10-15 minutes and I was still awake, eyes closed. My eyes were turning heavy when I heard a voice - 'Is he asleep now?' The voice came from beneath me.

I thought I was already asleep and was perhaps in a dream when I heard another hushed voice beside me - 'Lower your voice, he is above you, you idiot!' I am sure I was still awake but my eyes were too drowsy to see who were talking. I tried to concentrate on the conversation. 'I don't care, I can't take it anymore!' - the voice below me shouted. 'Enough is enough now. He has not moved an inch in the last 4 months. How long am I supposed to carry his weight over me? He sleeps, he watches tv, he works, he eats and all of these are being done over me. Earlier he used to watch tv in the hall, went to office and came to me only for sleeping but seems like I am his world now. He does not leave me alone even for a second. This is too much. I want my space! Can someone please lock him out of the flat when he goes to throw the garbage. At least, I will get some breathing time and a little fun!' - the voice below me ranted when I realized it was the bed talking!

I was fully awake now but decided to play asleep and listen to this conversation. The fan jumped in from above -' You will never understand what I am going through. At least he leaves you when he goes to cook, but I have been running nonstop for the last 124 days 22 hours now. Earlier, half of the weekdays, even weekends, he would not be at home. Now, he goes nowhere. I will burn out soon at this rate. I am starting to feel sick of rotating round and round and round for so long. When will this lockdown end and when will he leave us alone!'

'I totally get you my friend but you have no idea what I have gone through in recent times' - The hushed voice from earlier chipped in. It was my tv speaking - 'Do you have any idea how lavishly I have lived my whole life in the big hall with my voice echoing through the spaces. Now, I am cramped up in a corner with an almirah on one side and a big bed in front of me. I feel like suffocating in this little space. Above that, I used to speak in so many different languages - Hindi, English, Telugu, Korean, Japanese, French, Punjabi, Marathi and Malayalam. Nowadays, I am stuck with only 1 - Korean! I don't get his over infatuation with Korean movies and series these days. Are the rest of the languages banned now? I have to blabber nonstop Korean which he doesn't even understand without subtitles! Someone please tell him to at least learn Korean if he is so interested.'

'You all just think about yourselves. Who cares about others in this selfish world these days!' - My bicycle shouted from outside. It has been parked in the balcony for quite sometime now. It continued - 'You all are crying that you are being over utilized. Think about me for a second. I have been sitting idle in the balcony for an year now. Forget about riding me, he does not even throw a glance towards me ever. Seems like I am non-existent in his life...' ' But I am so happy in this lockdown' - the bicycle was interrupted by someone from inside.

My fridge could not hear more rants and broke in between - 'I am so happy that this lockdown happened. I used to think that my sole purpose was to produce ice out of thin air. Earlier, I used to be kept mostly half-empty but these days, I am filled up completely. And the variety of fruits and vegetables being placed in, I must say, I feel blessed for the lockdown.' I woke up laughing out loud. I was on the verge of falling off the bed when I got hold of myself. What a chaotic weird dream it was!

My first hindi blog!

 

A few days ago, I was going through my blog and realised that all of them were in English. I felt guilty for not writing anything in Hindi ever. Seems like I am feeling guilty for a lot many things lately but let's not get distracted from the topic in hand. I thought about it that when I have not liked speaking in English right from my school days, why do I always write in English. School days, I must say, what great days those were. I would not kill to go back but if I could go relive those even for a day, it would be a bliss!

Day-dreaming with eyes wide open and fingers typing rapidly. I guess I don't have anything else to do today. My inner sarcastic self pops a question - 'why do you have to guess about yourself??' well, that's a figure of speech, silly. By the way, I dreamt of going on a trip today. May be it was motivated by the pics my friend has been sharing of her outings in Paris. But she does not realise that we, in India, still have a long distance to cover before we can roam around that freely. On a separate note, lots of birthday parties are pending from these last 7 months. Barbeque Nation - I miss you so much! We shall overcome, sorry, come over very soon!

I think I jumped ship again, right? If I could document all my thoughts I have in a day, what a garbage collection of hopping over thousands of topics it would be. I think that's why it takes me months to write a single blog. I checked and found 7 half written blogs in my phone. Now, that's a big number. I even miss reading novels. There was a time when I used to read at least 1 novel per month and now, I hardly read a novel in a year. What's wrong with me? How can I change so much? May be change is inevitable. But I remember Thanos saying he was inevitable! 

My dreams are getting quite fascinating every day. Couple of days ago, I had a dream of living in a mansion by the beach. Next day, I had a dog living with me in remote mountains. I really miss the mountains. One day, I was skiing in Utah and the other, I was trekking on Everest. I think some of these may be inspired by the movies or series I am watching these days. Nevertheless, Everest seems to sneak into my thoughts every once in a while. I had given up on Everest base camp trek after my accident but Everest does not seem to give up on me yet. May be I need to rethink about going for that trek. I hope this time I get leave from my office, fingers crossed!

By the way, I realised that I had to write in Hindi. May be the writer inside me thinks in English. May be I don't realize it but English comes naturally to me. Whatever be the reason, unfortunately, I could not write in Hindi. May be some other day, some other blog. See you soon! 

 

A day of Real Problems during lockdown!

Subah 11 baje so k utha, jab suraj already sir pe chadh chuka tha, mujhe pehla thought aya ki bed se utha jaye ya nahi

Socha uth hi gaye hain to 5 min instagram check kiya jaye. 10 min instagram check kiya, 15 min news padha, 5 min dekha ki koi nayi movie aayi kya download karne k liye. Aadhe ghante baad jab ye sab kar k bed se utha, to 2 baj chuke the

Aadha ghanta tehelte hue socha ki ab kya khana banaya jaye. Aakhir bhookh to lag hi rahi thi. Fir 2 apple kaate, lassi banaya aur movie chala k tv k aage baith gaya

Movie khatam hone k baad bore hone laga to socha kuchh exciting kiya jaye. Tabhi dhyaan gaya ki kal se bartan rakhe hain dhone k liye. Rote dhote unko bhi dhoya. 

Kafi time ho gaya tha, to aaj cake banaya. Thoda doodh bach gaya tha to 5 min socha ki chai banayi jaye ya coffee. Fir yaad aya ki main to dono hi nahi peeta. 

Dinner karne k baad poori raat bachi thi. To ek korean series start kar di. Afterall, aur ghar pe kya hi hai karne ko! 

Raat k 3 baj chuke. Aaj ka din kafi achchha hi nikal gaya. Chalo, aaj k liye good night 😊

Diary of a motorcycle - page 2

'Hello fraands, chai pee lo!!' 

Sorry, sorry, sorry! My sincere apologies for that. I would have done 'uthak-baithak' but unfortunately, my body doesn't provide that scope. This was probably due to wrong influence of Rocky's one friend. 'Ye Dilli wale na, aise hi hote hain' It has been two years since my last journal, my wonderful trip to Bangalore. Its not like I have been through nothing in this period. But these days, I am getting a lot of free time to reflect.

After I returned from Bengaluru, I was busy in Rocky's monotonous life of office to home and back for a while. At times, I would get frustrated 'Jab yahi karna tha, to pulsar kya buri thi'! Then that fateful accident happened. Rocky endured the whole impact (even my weight), broke his leg and I survived with just a broken mirror. I felt sorry and grateful to him. After 2 months, I saw him for the first time after the accident. He was walking with the support of a walker but I was delighted to see him. 'I will definitely treat him better next time we go out!' 

3 more months passed and I waited patiently. One beautiful evening, Rocky came and I knew exactly what his ear to ear smile meant. 'Yaay, here we roll once again!' We went for a short spin near by. In no time, he was back on his usual routine. Time and I were rolling smoothly until a couple of months ago. That evening, something just didn't feel right. People were running mad as if they had ghost in their flats. I heard someone talk about some lockdown on his phone. May be he forgot to lock his vehicle. 'Phew, unlike last time, I was locked safe and sound!'

In the following days, I got to know that there was some virus outbreak and going out was prohibited for a couple of weeks. 'I hope it doesn't end up like the zombie movies Rocky enjoys. Anyways, Gotham endured Bane's 5 months lockdown. I can definitely stand back for few weeks. No issues!' 5 weeks passed and Rocky didn't even come to take a look at me once. 'aisa koi karta hai kya, batao jara? Yahi dosti, yahi pyaar, ek virus ne daal di beech me deewar!' 

Let me tell you a fun fact - 'The sky looks square from my parking!' Being stationary, I tried looking at the horizon but all I could see was the square sky. I never noticed this before but have started to like it now. All the bikes and cars near by have become my friends now. With nowhere to go, all of us would have been so depressed if we were not parked close by. We are like an old age home, abandoned by our families but there for each other. We share stories of the happy times we used to spend on road and now, all of us have a thick layer of dust over us. 'Man, I need a bath so bad' 

'Don't be alarmed, but I heard from someone that people, when they don't eat, they die!' I have not had my diet for 2 months now, but I don't feel hungry. I guess I am not people. Out of the blue, Rocky came to visit me one day. I thanked my lucky stars. Most probably everyone's prayers of 'Go corona, Corona go!' were finally answered. 'But wait a minute! He does not have any cloth with him. How am I going to get cleaned?' He started my engine, kept it on for 2-3 minutes, switched off and left. For the first time in my life, I felt so much anger towards him. 'Dost dost na raha, pyaar pyaar na raha . . .' 

There was too much excitement in the group that afternoon. A new shiny one had come to our neighbourhood. 'Aaila kya soorat thi, wo kya kehte hain . . .' Its looks and colour made all the heads turn. We all were eager to talk but the newbie had too much attitude. Being new, extra care was taken and soon it got an extra layer of clothing. Even its cover was more colourful than our dust covered bodies. 'Ghamandi me attitude hai to kya, ja to wo bhi kahin nahi rahi iss lockdown me!' 

Seeing people do morning walks, I feel jealous every day. I need some stretching of my tires too. Rocky has been coming every month just to check on my battery. 'He doesn't love me anymore!' Its been 5 months now, standing still at the same place. Even Gotham was saved by Batman after 5 months but there is no sign of our saviour yet. I have become theist now, praying regularly - 'Hey Royal Enfield bhagwan, oh my Harley Davidson god! Its been enough torture now. Ab life me thoda excitement chahiye. Long drives na sahi, kam se kam Rocky apne friends se hi milne le jaaye! I will be happy in that.' Hope my prayers are answered soon!!! 

We shall over come

We shall over come

We shall come over to your house

O Souvik and Gaurav

I do believe, that we shall meet somewhere very soon!!!

PS. Happy b'day Rocky! 😊

An ode to Life!

Dear life,
Why are you so complicated?
Did someone break your heart
Or have you never even dated!
Did someone forget your birthday
My apologies, wish you belated!
What is the problem in your life
Open up, don't be so gated.
I am sure we will understand
You will definitely not be hated!

Dear life,
Let's play some other time
Today, don't really have the mood.
How are you so mischievous always
Sometimes, I unknowingly brood.
You seem to always spoil our plans
We don't even have any family feud!
What's so special about you anyways
Why the hell do you have to be so rude,
You will always win, there is no such rule
You are not a Bollywood hero dude!

Dear life,
You frighten us, you brighten us
You make us laugh and give hope,
Challenges are to make us tough
I know your job is hard to cope.
There are both good and bad times
We fools focus down the slope,
Why don't you stop our stupidity
Those times, you feel so dope!
You might laugh your hearts out
Hearing - 'Engineering kar lo, bahut hai scope!'
Please promise to take care of me
My part, I can't. I'm not the pope!

PS. Life is beautiful! Enjoy it to the fullest!!! Have a nice day! :-)

Holy moly, a life is born!

Two species come close together
Fall in love, lock their horn
The nature takes its own course
Holy moly, a life is born!!

Happiness and love everyone showers
All trying to impress the child a bit
But the new kid has a nose too high
All these efforts, he doesn't give a shit!

Life has become more beautiful nowadays
Has a new meaning and feels so sublime
To think of any such hopeless thoughts
The boss baby won't give you any time!

Sleepless nights for this tiny bundle
Smelly poopy diapers to change
Sleeping and crying is all he does
Terrorises the world with this little range!

When recognises and laughs back at you
Vanishes immediately the sleep deprivation
Playing and laughing along with him
Gives you a new energised motivation!

The clothes grow short every month
Number of diapers raise the hair
The pram, stroller, kid chair, walker,
Ooops, its a damn too costly affair!

Your whole life revolves around him
There is no time for yourself anymore
Kid becomes the new apple of your eye
Your older lifestyle is just a folklore!

I wish him all the happiness in life
Hope he does not give you much fuss
Blooms with health & wisdom together
May your kid have friends like us!

PS. Dedicated to all my dear friends who have had a kid recently . . .

The time I almost had brain hemorrhage!

It happened on a fine December morning
  It was late than usual when I left the office
Was driving back to my home on the highway
A raging truck carried me, I did not have a say!

Something from the truck stuck to my mirror
Next moment, I had fallen down on the road
My brave right knee embraced the whole impact
The new helmet had no scratches, my heroic act!

My right leg was stuck beneath the bike
People on the bus stop rushed to my help
Had to be carried over to the road side
I thought to take 5 min break before I ride!

Had to call Sachin when I could not stand
Limping and hopping, I went to the hospital
Guessed it was minor, I would soon get away
Until the doctor came with my leg's x-ray! 

I had multiple fractures below the right knee
Needed operation to fix a plate in the bone
It took 3 months to walk again, 4.5 before I ran
And that is how, dear friends, I became Iron-man! 

Operation was equally entertaining, all the way
Being awake whole time had its perks, I must say
Had a curtain, I could not witness everything
Got scolded for peeking, saw the nurses flirting! 

My bike is in perfect condition, thanks to my knee
Just the rear tail light got broken in the fall
After a long and boring home sitting, WFH spree
Was asked in my office to 'Bend the knee!' 

For those of you wondering about hemorrhage
Didn't you hear people having brains in the knee
My brains would have shattered if I was that kind
Fortunately, I am not - which is my latest find!

From “Wow, Again!” to “Not Again!”

“Propose me in a way no one, who knows you, would expect from you” – she said. Wow, that’s a tough one but as Barney would say – “Challenge accepted!” I had only managed to say that I liked her a lot and chuckled inside that her wanting a proposal meant ‘Yes’. Now, I just had to think out of my box.

Sandhya, or Sandy was my ex-colleague. She was a chirpy, bubbly girl in my office. Her being the only one my age in the team made us bond easily. We were the little sparrows in the world of friendly hens and harsh cuckoos. We had lunches together and those were quite fun times. The tiffins and views we shared were extremely different. She was frank, rather too outspoken while I was the reserved kind. She prepared well-cooked meal while I would bring half-cooked vegetables (I was still learning at that time) or rather have thali in the canteen. I loved biking all around the city while she liked relaxing at home on the weekends. You would say opposites should have attracted but I was completely absorbed in my own one-sided romance, oblivious from rest of the world.

There is not much value given to the newbies in an organization. One afternoon, she came to my desk and cried. Everyone sitting around was gazing sharply at me. I was feeling awkward with the judgemental eyes staring on me. I took her outside and there were more prying eyes. She kept sobbing and telling the discussion with her manager and I stood there silently listening to her. I wanted to hug her and say everything would be fine, but I did not. Sometimes, I regret that I could not even console her when she needed. After half an hour, she was calm again. The next day, she resigned. For the first time, I felt her presence in my life and realized soon there would be absence. She got a job soon and on her last day in office, I wrote couple of lines for her in my blog – “Jab baat dil me koi nahi”

Soon after, my first one-sided affair became two-sided when both of us started ignoring each other. Couple of months later, I got a friend request from Sandhya on facebook. There was an instant connect with her after this long gap. For a long time, we discussed each other’s life through calls and messages. After a year, we decided to meet. We met for the first-time outside office and spent four hours in that coffee shop. I regret not knowing more about her during our lunches.

After my last heart-ache, I had never thought even in my dreams that my heart would flutter again. Her calls made my heart content and meeting her was a bliss. I always was my own self with her which I might only be with my close friends. I had a very surreal feeling with her, something very magical and different. May be the feeling was mutual as she also loved to hang out with me. May be that is why it felt so real. I might be falling in love all over again. Wow, all over again!

I even wrote a poem, but I did not give her. I had a feeling I was not ready yet -

Unfortunately, I can’t!

Today, I had this thought

Suddenly, just out of the blue

Oh girl, I like you a lot

Unfortunately, I can’t tell you!

Our views and tiffins were so different

I miss those fun times at lunch

It was hard to see, spread your wings

And fly so distant from our bunch.

Nowadays, when we talk

I lose track of the time

You make my heart skip a beat

It’s a feeling so sublime.

I wish to talk to you every day

I have so many things to pour

I want to listen to you endlessly

I want our relationship to soar.

I know some dreams are dreams

The above is just my rant

I wish I could help myself

Unfortunately, I can’t!

Couple of months ago, she was shopping for her cousin’s wedding and one dress she tried made my mouth open, but I did not have words to compliment her. When she asked for the second time how she looked, I broke from my sense of dreaminess and said – “I like you!” Now, her mouth was open, and she had nothing to say. She quietly went back, changed and we came out of the shop. For few minutes, we did not say anything. Then she said let’s talk over lunch. I was relieved that she wanted to talk. We went inside a less populated restaurant and she asked what I just did. Now, I had not planned anything - it was on the go, at the spur of the moment. I told her that I had started to have some feelings for her which were blurted out today. She smiled, just a little, for the first time in last half an hour. Then she put the condition to propose in a different way, in a way out of my character. It was my turn to smile, a big one though.

Coming back to the present day, 2 months have passed since she asked for the proposal and nothing has clicked in my rusty, little brain. All the proposal ideas on youtube or the Korean movies I watch are not proving of any help either. She had put a condition that she would only meet me on the day I was ready to propose. The number of calls and messages we shared have declined too. Yesterday was her birthday and she did not meet me. She has not picked up any of my calls from today morning. Feels like Déjà vu all over again! Oh please, not again!!!